


How Not to Babysit

by Imori_Hikaru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Babysitting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hanamaki is not to be trust with children, seriously who thought that was a good idea, thank god for Iwaizumi, they're idiots your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29770422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imori_Hikaru/pseuds/Imori_Hikaru
Summary: The last person who should be trusted with a child is Hanamaki. Let alone two. Hanamaki’s sister woke him up, gave him her kids, and was gone before he could comprehend what was happening. Maybe it would be fine if the kids were older, but a one and a half year old and a three month old? No, absolutely not.In a panic, Hanamaki calls Matsukawa. Matsukawa, just as clueless as Hanamaki, calls Oikawa, because Oikawa has a younger nephew, surely he has some idea how to keep a kid alive. Oikawa, in fact, does not know anything about babies. Iwaizumi was dragged into this by Oikawa, but might be their saving grace.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro & Iwaizumi Hajime & Matsukawa Issei & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: Haikyuu Big Bang 2020





	How Not to Babysit

Hanamaki groaned as he was roused from his sleep by something, he wasn’t sure what. He sat up, hair sticking up in every direction. He blinked blearily as his brain struggled to place what he was hearing. It clicked. The door. Someone was ringing the doorbell. And knocking? Both? That seemed like overkill. Hanamaki drug himself out of bed and padded sleepily down the stairs to answer the door.

He yanked it open, not even aware that he was in ragged pajama bottoms and no shirt. He was greeted by his sister. She looked very put together, a far cry from how he would have expected someone to look with the frantic ringing and knocking he’d been assaulted with this early in the morning. So what if it was past noon? It was _ his _ morning.

“Takahiro, you look like shit.”

“Jee, thanks, it’s good to see you too.” Hanamaki grumbled. He wanted to just go back to bed.

“Is mom home?” She ignored his obvious displeasure.

“No.”

“What? Where is she?” His sister narrowed her eyes at him, bouncing the baby on her shoulder, patting his back.

“Away. Her and dad went on a trip,” Hanamaki said, raking a hand through his already messy hair. “They’ll be back on Friday.”

“My babysitter called in sick,” his sister said with a sigh. “I have to get to work. I’m going to be late as it is.” Hanamaki was trying to figure out why he should care. “I was going to leave the kids with mom, but I guess you’ll do.”

“I’ll what?” Hanamaki was pretty sure he was still asleep and this was a nightmare. He froze when suddenly a tiny human was thrust into his arms, along with a surprisingly heavy bag. He hadn’t even noticed his sister’s daughter standing on the front step until his sister crouched down, kissed her goodbye, and left. Hanamaki stared down at the two year old, who gazed back up at him with wide eyes, her thumb jammed in her mouth. “What?”

Hanamaki stood in the doorway for a long while, staring at the little girl, nearly forgetting that there was another, much smaller, child in his hands. Until it squirmed, and he nearly dropped it. He almost dropped his sister’s two month old. His heart hammered in his chest as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. Numbly, he closed the front door and wandered into the living room. He wanted to pace, but he also didn’t want to move too much and risk dropping the baby. He was still mulling over his internal panic when he realized he was missing his niece.

“Shit, shit, shit shit…” He settled the baby against his shoulder as he backtracked to the front door. His niece, Kaori, was sitting on the step, seemingly unbothered as she sucked on her thumb. “Kaori, come inside.” She looked up at him before getting to her feet and toddling in.

Hanamaki took a second to breathe before gently putting Kosuke, his nephew, on the floor. For a moment he considered if that was okay or not, but decided it would be fine for the minute it would take for him to run back up to his room and grab his phone.

Hanamaki sprinted up the stairs, only managing to trip once. He yanked his phone off the charger and stumbled back down the stairs. The two kids were still alive, that was a good start. Now, he just needed to keep it that way.

“Hello?” Matsukawa’s voice on the other end of the phone was a wave of relief. Instantly making Hanamaki feel a tiny bit calmer.

“Are you busy right now?” Hanamaki asked, jumping right into it. There was a pause.

“No,” Matsukawa said slowly. “What’s up?”

“I need help.”

“Help with what?”

“Mattsun, it’s an emergency,” the pleading quality in Hanamaki’s voice caught Matsukawa’s attention. “Can you come over?”

“I’ll be there in twenty.” Matsukawa hung up, wasting no time at all. Hanamaki could breathe easier, sort of anyway. In twenty minutes, there would be someone else here to help him. Someone he trusted, and hoped would know the first thing about keeping kids alive.

Matsukawa had no idea what was up, but the panic in Hanamaki’s voice forced him into action. While he rushed out the door, he’d decided to stop by the coffee shop between his house and Hanamaki’s. Even though the panicked tone, he could also hear the roughness of sleep still in his voice. Hanamaki could wait a few extra minutes for a kick of caffeine. He’d appreciate it later.

Coffee in hand, Matsukawa walked briskly the rest of the distance to Hanamaki’s place. He didn’t bother to knock, he hadn’t knocked since the first time he’d come over here in their first year of high school. Now he just waltzed in like he lived here, hell sometimes it was hard to tell who lived where with how often he and Hanamaki stayed at one another’s houses. Confusion washed over Matsukawa when he entered the living room.

“What is that?” Matsukawa asked, freezing mid step, two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Kosuke,” Hanamaki deadpanned. The two of them stared down at the baby that wriggled around on the carpet.

“Kosuke. Right, yeah and why do you have it?” Matsukawa asked, nose wrinkling at the bridge as he examined the baby.

“Because my sister hates me,” Hanamaki grumbled.

“Here.” Matsukawa thrust the coffee into Hanamaki’s arms. Hanamaki hissed when one spilled a bit onto his bare chest. “I’m calling Oikawa.”

Matsukawa’s conversation was brief, but longer than what he’d had with Hanamaki. Hanamaki tried to listen in while he stared down at the floor where the baby lay, waving his tiny arms around helplessly. He picked out the key points from the half of the conversation he could hear. _ Emergency, help, bring coffee, yes bring Iwaizumi.  _ More help was coming, that was all Hanamaki needed to know. Oikawa would be their saving grace.

Matsukawa got the door when Oikawa finally knocked. Oikawa held up his offering of coffee, four cups nestled in the drink carrier, their four usuals.

“What is that?” Oikawa asked, hearing a high pitched noise from deeper inside. Matsukawa took the drinks, ignoring the question as he led Oikawa and Iwaizumi into Hanamaki’s house.

“Help!” Hanamaki cried, thrusting a small child in Oikawa’s general direction. The baby was crying, screaming really. His little face was scrunched up and red. “Make it stop!” Panic was etched into Hanamaki’s features. He looked terrible. He still hadn’t bothered putting on a shirt, he hadn’t even thought of it. Oikawa’s hands flew up in a defensive position. Making it clear he  _ did not _ want Hanamaki to force that  _ thing _ into his arms.

“What? What is happening?”

“I need you to make him stop,” Hanamaki begged.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do,” Oikawa scoffed, looking at the baby with a touch of disgust.

“Fix it!” Hanamaki was bordering on frantic.

“You’ve babysat Takeru, you know about this kind of thing,” Matsukawa explained. “We need help.” Oikawa stared at him with wide eyes, Iwaizumi was leaning against the wall, deciding if he wanted to run for it before Hanamaki or Matsukawa even acknowledged that he was here.

“Are you crazy?” Oikawa looked between the two teens and the screaming baby. “Sure, I’ve watched Takeru, but he was older. That thing is a glorified potato!” Oikawa was pointing accusingly at the baby. Hanamaki’s face contorted and Matskuawa flinched. He thought Hanamaki was about to cry.

“Have you fed him?” Iwaizumi asked with a sigh, prying himself off the wall. He didn’t want to do this, but he figured he needed to step in. No, this was too much for his friends. They were incredible at volleyball, but things like this? No, they were entirely useless. He could have told anyone that without having to see this sad display.

“Fed?” Hanamaki looked down at the Kosuke. “He doesn’t have any teeth.” Iwaizumi face palmed. His friends were idiots.

“Do you have a diaper bag?”

“Uh,” Hanamaki frowned.

“This?” Matsukawa asked, holding up the packed, surprisingly heavy shoulder bag Hanamaki’s sister left. Iwaizumi took the bag and disappeared into the kitchen. Oikawa looked at the baby one more time and met Matsukawa’s eyes.

“Where did you put my coffee you monster?” He seethed at Matsukawa. This was not how he wanted to spend his day off. Matsukawa pointed in the general direction Iwaizumi had just gone.

When Iwaizumi came back, Oikawa was following behind him, coffee cup in hand. Iwaizumi was holding a bottle. Hanamaki gapped at him as Iwaizumi took Kosuke from his arms. It was almost magic when Iwaizumi settled Kosuke in the crook of his arm and he hushed the second his lips closed around the bottle.

“Huh,” Oikawa raised a brow at the scene, sipping his latte.

“Shut up, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi said with an eye roll. Oikawa grumbled something about using profanity around a baby.

“Makki,” Matsukawa asked nervously.

“Hm?”

“Where did Kaori go?”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked confused as Hanamaki paled and looked around the room frantically.

“Fuck,” he groaned, running up the stairs to look for her. Matsukawa bit his lower lip and shrugged at Oikawa and Iwaizumi as he decided to take a look around the main floor. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were clueless for the few minutes it took for the toddler to be located. 

“Got her!” Hanamaki called from upstairs. Oikawa let out a strained whine when he saw Hanamaki coming back down with Kaori in his arms.

“Another one?” he groaned. “Where are you getting these tiny humans?”

“I thought you said Kosuke was a potato--” Matsukawa shut up when Oikawa pinned him with a glare. Oikawa vaguely considered “accidently” spilling his coffee on the smartass, but he cherished it too much right now to waste it. He put his hands up and watched Hanamaki deposit Kaori onto the floor. She paused for a moment, blinked up at the two new additions before her thumb found its way back into her mouth and she headed for the couch.

“Sit,” Iwaizumi ordered. Hanamaki floundered for a moment before obeying his friend. Once Hanamaki was seated on the couch Iwaizumi instructed him how to properly hold the baby before giving Hanamaki his nephew to feed. “Kaori?” he asked, turning to the two-year-old. She stared at him. “Are you hungry?” Her eyes shifted towards her brother and Hanamaki before she looked back at Iwaizumi and nodded, thumb still in her mouth. Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa watched in awe as Iwaizumi led Kaori to the kitchen.

“What was that?” Hanamaki croaked, looking to Oikawa, who just continued to gape.

“You’re letting flies in,” Matsukawa said, a grin playing at his lips as he pushed Oikawa’s jaw closed.

“Fuck off,” Oikawa said with an eyeroll, shoving Matsukawa half heartedly. He snickered, wiggling his brows at Oikawa.

In the kitchen, Iwaizumi had Kaori set up at the table with a squeeze pouch of applesauce that he’d found in the diaper bag. Making sure the little one was content, he peeked back out at the others in the living room. Oikawa and Matsukawa were bickering, shoving at one another. Hanamaki was still sitting on the couch, looking stiff and awkward, staring at the baby on his lap with an empty bottle in his hand. Iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

“Have you burped him?”

“Excuse me?” Hanamaki asked, expression pinched. Iwaizumi looked at Hanamaki with pain etched into his features.

“Who the hell left you in charge of these kids. If I had kids, I’d trust a random stranger off the street over you.” Iwaizumi shook his head, carefully taking Kosuke from Hanamaki, muttering under his breath about Hanamaki’s cluelessness. Iwaizumi propped the infant on his shoulder, explaining and showing Hanamaki how to burp a baby before passing him back to Hanamaki to finish the job. Leaving Hanamaki with his task, he checked on Kaori, who was still sitting where he left her, the applesauce squeeze tube discarded.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Iwaizumi kneeled beside her chair, “are you finished?” At her nod Iwaizumi smiled, ruffling her strawberry blonde hair. Carrying Kaori, Iwaizumi reentered the living room just in time for Kosuke to finally finally burp... and puke. The baby spit up, the hot, wet liquid dripping down Hanamaki’s bare shoulder. Oikawa paled, looking like he might also get sick, and Hanamaki stood there rigidly, internally screaming as the spit up made its way down the expanse of his freckled back.

Iwaizumi passed Kaori to Matsukawa, who looked dumbfounded at the girl that suddenly appeared in his arms. Iwaizumi took little Kosuke.

“Feel better, buddy?” he cooed, patting the baby’s bottom as he put him against his own shoulder. Hanamaki looked at him like he had sprouted a second head.

“It just puked on me! And you’re baby talking him?” Hanamaki was afraid to move and cause the slimy vomit to spread further on his back.

“He’s a baby,” Iwaizumi deadpanned. “That’s what they do. I don’t know what you expected.”

“I’m-- I’m going to go shower,” Hanamaki said numbly.

“What is that smell--” Oikawa didn’t finish his thought, looking at Iwaizumi and the baby in his arms before his nose wrinkled. “Oh, gross!” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. He already knew he was going to be doing a lot of that today. He already had a headache, and it wasn’t because of the children.

“Again. He’s a baby. You guys are clueless.” Iwaizumi laid down a blanket on the couch, courtesy of the diaper bag, and got to work on changing Kosuke. Oikawa and Matsukawa watched in horror.

#  ⁎ ⁎ 🍼 ⁎ ⁎

“We’re out of diapers,” Matsukawa said softly, a hint of fear in his voice.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Oikawa asked, he was sprawled on the floor with his arm thrown over his face.

“Maybe if  _ someone _ hadn’t messed up, not one, but  _ three _ \--”

Oikawa threw a pillow at Iwaizumi, cutting him off.

“Who’s keeping count?”

“Well, what the fuck are we supposed to do?” Hanamaki asked, eyes wide and frantic. He glanced nervously at Matsukawa, who was holding Kosuke at arms length.

“Buy more diapers. Obviously. Dipshit,” Iwaizumi grumbled, having thrown the pillow back at Oikawa. He got up and took Kosuke from Matsukawa. “Should Oikawa and I stay here and watch the kids while you two run to the store?” Iwaizumi’s focus had been on Kosuke in his arms when he asked, but after being meant by silence, he looked up at the guys.

Oikawa looked pale, the color quickly becoming normal for him the longer they spent around these babies. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were looking at one another with clueless looks on their faces. Iwaizumi sighed heavily. Who thought giving Hanamaki a child, let alone two, was a good idea again? He really wanted to know what they were thinking when they made that decision.

“Right. We’ll all go then.” Was that the most efficient way to get this done? Definitely not, but considering that his friends were incompetient idiots when it came to anything other than volleyball--

“He-wo.”

Hanamaki looked down at Kaori, her chubby little hand on his pant leg, blinking up at him with her big eyes. He wasn’t terribly fond of kids, but he had to admit that his heart melted a little.

#  ⁎ ⁎ 🍼 ⁎ ⁎

“Okay,” Iwaizumi started, eyes scanning the faces of his friends. “Oikawa and I will take Kosuke and get baby food and diapers. You two will take Kaori and get groceries for dinner. It shouldn’t take us long. Meet at the front in fifteen?” Iwaizumi arched a brow at the guys when they looked at one another before they finally nodded.

Iwaizumi had Kosuke tucked against his chest in a little carrying pouch that Oikawa thought made him look a bit like a mother kangaroo, not that he vocalized it, since he figured that would only lead to violence from Iwaizumi. Hanamaki was leaning slightly to allow his niece to hold his fingers in her tiny hand, after having insisted she walk.

Matsukawa grabbed a basket, while Iwaizumi got a small cart and the group split off to their respective sections of the store. Hanamaki sighed, walking slowly to accommodate Kaori’s miniscule steps. Matsukawa grinned, biting back a laugh at the sight. It would be so much easier to carry her, but she was being stubborn about it. As a result, Hanamaki looked a bit ridiculous, he was a tall guy after all.

Iwaizumi grabbed the diapers first, knowing they’d be royally screwed without them. Kosuke was completely out. They’d need them soon. He examined the packaging, wondering if it would be an issue if he chose a different brand than whatever Hanamaki’s sister typically used for the baby. He’d had a package half in the cart when he noticed one near the bottom with the same designs on it as the one Kosuke was currently wearing. Putting the other back, Iwaizumi opted for those. Just to be safe.

Next was baby food. Well, less baby food and more of the toddler snacks and formula that were running low on. Iwaizumi didn’t know how long Hanamaki was supposed to be watching the little ones, so there was probably enough to get them through the rest of their visit, but Iwaizumi would rather be safe than sorry.

Oikawa shuffled awkwardly, eyeing the older women that he’d noticed eyeing him and Iwaizumi. He nudged the wheel of their cart with his sneaker, biting his lip as Iwaizumi frowned at a container of formula before plunking it back on the shelf to examine another. Oikawa cursed softly under his breath.  _ Why was Iwaizumi studying these things like the world depended on it? It was powdered milk-- _

Kosuke interrupted Oikawa’s thoughts, a small cry breaking the stuff air around them. Iwaizumi didn’t bat an eye, patting the baby’s back and bouncing slightly while he continued to look through the formula options. Kosuke let out a few more croaking sounds before falling silent again, much to Oikawa’s relief. Their audience had dropped all subtleties and was blatantly staring, expressions soft and hearts in their eyes.

Oikawa tugged on the hem of Iwaizumi’s shirt as discreetly as he could. Iwaizumi turned to him with a blank face. Oikawa tipped his head towards the women.

“They’re staring,” he said softly.

“Okay?”

“Does that not weird you out?”

“I thought you were used to people staring at you, Mr. Popular.” Iwaizumi finally made a decision and added the formula to the cart.

“Teenagers,” Oikawa grumbled softly, as if the age group made that much of a difference.

“You have to admit we make an interesting sight,” Iwaizumi rationalized, hand idly stroking Kosuke's back as they made their way a bit further down the aisle to get the snacks for Kaori. “Two teenage boys with an infant.” Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi and his little half grin with a hint of horor in his own eyes.

Maybe, just maybe, Oikawa understood the staring. He’d take this to the grave, but he would probably be swooning over Iwaizumi with a baby too if he weren’t terrified of the creature and the fact they were for some reason in charge of it.

“Do you think this is enough for all four of us?” Hanamaki asked, holding up a package of meat. Matsukawa shrugged, taking it from him and throwing it into their basket. They’d already gathered an array of vegetables. With the addition of the meat they were pretty much done. Unless they decided to grab drinks.

Deciding to forgo the drinks, not wanting to have to carry much back to Hanamaki’s place, Hanamaki and Matsukawa called it good and headed to the front of the store to meet up with the others and pay for their purchases.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were already there, Iwaizumi was leaning against the cart, a mildly out of character soft expression on his face, while Oikawa looked stiff, glancing around. He visibly relaxed when he caught sight of Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

“Got everything?” Iwaizumi asked, looking down at the sleeping Kosuke, stroking one of his chubby cheeks. Matsukawa lifted the basket of groceries.

“Sure do--” he was interrupted by a strange noise from Hanamaki.

“I forgot something,” Hanamaki squeaked strangely. “I’ll be right back,” he said in a rush as he did a one-eighty and retreated from the way he and Matsukawa had come from. Oikawa blinked and looked to Matsukawa.

“What did he forget?”

“Kaori,” Iwaizumi said with yet another eye roll, it was a miracle that hadn’t rolled out of his head at this point. It took a moment for Oikawa and Matsukawa to register what he meant, then their eyes bugged out as they scanned their immediate area and confirmed that they were missing a small girl. “Honestly,” Iwaiuzmi said, shaking his head. He took Matsukawa’s basket and made his way to the counter to check out.

Hanamaki’s heart stopped when he realized that he and Matsukawa had completely forgotten the toddler in their care. He backtracked to the area he’d last seen her, hoping to god she was still there. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to find her. She had wandered over to a side display near the produce. She had her thumb in her mouth, staring up at the brightly colored display.

“Hey,” Hanamaki said gently, crouching beside his niece. “Can I carry you?” The girl looked at him apprehensive before stepping into his open arms and allowing Hanamaki to lift her up and head back to his friends. His heart was still hammering in his chest, knowing he fucked up by taking his eyes off her, hell by letting go of her hand. It was comforting to feel her head resting on his shoulder. She was okay. He hadn’t lost her. It was fine.

#  ⁎ ⁎ 🍼 ⁎ ⁎

Back at the house, Iwaizumi handed Kosuke off to Hanamaki for a diaper change before heading to the kitchen with Matsukawa in tow to begin dinner. Oikawa sat on the living room floor, staring at Kaori, who was talking to herself while she played with a stuffed animal. He couldn’t understand her. It made his head hurt trying to figure out what she was saying, and it only confused him more when Hanamaki and Iwaizumi could decipher her still developing speech.

Hanamaki had been around her enough that he had gotten used to it, and it helped to have his sister translate when he couldn’t understand it, and Iwaizumi just seemed to be some sort of superhuman with his weird understanding of the babies and ability to handle their current situation. Oikawa wanted to pester him about it, pry the answer as to why Iwaizumi was good at this from him.

Hanamaki was grumbling as he brought Kosuke back to the living room, shoving him into Oikawa’s arms like a sack of potatoes, a tiny sack of potatoes, but potatoes nonetheless. Oikawa didn’t have a chance to register what was happening or why he was suddenly holding the baby before Hanamaki was stomping up the stairs. Oikawa and Kosuke stared at one another, mirrored wide eyed expressions. Oikawa’s skin crawled. He didn’t like how squishy this thing,  _ this baby _ , was. How did babies survive when they were so… soft.

“You know,” Matsukawa said, the rumble of his deep voice yanking Oikawa out of his thoughts, “he isn’t going to bite. Not yet anyway,” he added with a chuckle. “He doesn’t have teeth,” Matsukawa elaborated, sitting down on the cough over Oikawa’s shoulder. “Here. Iwaizumi said he’s probably getting hungry again.” Oikawa struggled to get one of his arms out from under the baby, worried he’d drop him, not that he’d go far since he was just inches above Oikawa’s legs. A cry suddenly startled Oikawa, nearly causing Kosuke to fall from his arms.

“Bottle!” Iwaizumi yelled from the kitchen, where they could hear the sizzle of something in a pan already. Matsukawa huffed softly, watching Oikawa lay Kosuke on his legs, finally realizing that would be the easiest way to do this. With the fussing baby nestled on his lap, he took the warm bottle from Matsukawa and pushed it towards the baby’s lips.

Like magic, a second later Kosuke’s mouth closed around the nipple and he quieted down, focused on drinking the milk. Oikawa’s shoulders heaved as he sighed in relief. Matsukawa chuckled, patting Oikawa on the shoulder. Matsukawa was staring down at the baby, a strange look on his face, while Oikawa was actually smiling when Hanamaki finally came back downstairs. He had a towel around his shoulders, pink hair wet and dripping. He was taken aback by the sight that greeted.

Matsukawa was the first to look up at him where he stood at the base of the stairs. A thick brow shot towards his hairline.

“Why--”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Hanamaki grumbled. Sinking down beside Matsukawa, their thighs pressing together. He would have nightmares about changing diapers now. Once Kosuke was done with his bottle and fell back asleep, something they were learning babies did a lot of, they migrated to the kitchen where Iwaizumi had finished dinner.

#  ⁎ ⁎ 🍼 ⁎ ⁎

“Makki--” Oikawa started, his voice loud and whiny.

“Shh,” Hanamaki hissed, slapping a hand over Oikawa’s mouth, pointing at the couch where Matsukawa and Iwaizumi sat, slumped together with a baby on each of their laps. They were sleeping, as were the little ones. Oikawa’s eyes danced with mirth and surprise as he looked to Hanamaki, his hand still over Oikawa’s mouth. Slapping away Hanamaki’s hand, Oikawa dug his phone out of his pocket.

“You’re crazy if you think I’m passing up this opportunity.” Oikawa was already snapping photos of their friends and the kids from various angles by the time Hanamaki retrieved his own phone from the table to snap a few photos of his own.

Armed with new matching phone backgrounds, Hanamaki and Oikawa tiptoed up the stairs to Hanamaki’s bedroom. Oikawa flopped onto the mattress, heaving a sigh. Hanamaki followed him into the plush surface of his bed, groaning.

“I’ve decided I’m never having kids,” Oikawa announced, making Hanamaki snort a laugh.

“Oh yeah?” He grinned at his friend. “Good thing you’re gay.” Oikawa barked a laugh, bumping his leg into Hanamaki’s.

“No unexpected surprises here,” Oikawa giggled.

“Better run that by Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki chortled. Oikawa sat up quickly, mouth opening and closing like a fish while he struggled for words. Hanamaki grinned at him, a soft pillow to the face snapping Oikawa out of his stupor. “You’re an idiot.”

“I am not,” Oikawa sniffed, crossing his arms before sinking back into the mattress. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised his crush was obvious to Hanamaki.

The two continued to rib one another, laughter dancing in the air as they relaxed and eventually dozed off themselves. Oikawa managed to roll over and use Hanamaki’s chest as a pillow at some point, which is how Matsukawa found them a little while later.

Of course, they knew that he’d never let them live down their  _ cuddle session _ . Hanamaki just hoped he hadn’t managed to get photo proof before his burst of laughter woke them. He could torment Matsukawa with the soft photo of him cuddling with a baby, but he didn’t want it to bite him in the ass with pictures of him cuddling with Oikawa to be thrown in his face in retaliation.

#  ⁎ ⁎ 🍼 ⁎ ⁎

“Iwaizumi?”

“What?”

“Why are you so good with them?” Oikawa blinked innocently at Iwaizumi, who had Kaori sleeping against his shoulder and Kosuke in his lap, something Oikawa may or may not have snapped a few pictures of. He was going to have quite the collection at this rate. Iwaizumi ignored his antics.

“They’re babies. It’s not rocket science.”

“Exactly,” Matsukawa mumbled. “Rocket science would be easier.” Hanamaki scoffed in agreement. He was exhausted, sprawled out on the floor. He’d decided he never wanted kids. They were exhausting, and these two were still little. What happened when they got older? Nothing good he was sure.

The four teens settled into an easy silence, basking in the peace and quiet. It had been a long day. Of course, then the doorbell rang, waking both babies. Kaori started, fixing her wide eyes on Iwaizumi as tears began to pool in them. Kosuke just started wailing. Because of course he did. Iwaizumi swore under his breath, Oikawa groaned, Matsukawa looked horrified, and Hanamaki started chatting the word ‘no’.

Matsukawa was the one to pry himself up from where he’d been planning to take his own nap on the couch, having decided the one from earlier was not enough after the day they’d had. He opened the door, glare firmly set in place.

“Matsukawa?” Hanamaki’s sister’s nose wrinkled.

“You woke them up,” Matsukawa deadpanned.

“I’m here to get--”

“Please, please take them,” Hanamaki begged, popping up from behind Matsukawa. “And don’t ever leave them with me again.” His sister looked the least bit interested, waving her hand dismissively at her brother.

“Where are they?”

“Living room,” Hanamaki mumbled, allowing his sister to brush past both him and Matsuakwa. They tailed behind her, only to nearly plow her over when she stopped in the doorway to the living room.

“Who--”

“Hello!” Oikawa chripped from where he still lay on the floor.

“Don’t be nice to her, she’s the one who made us watch her kids all day.” Matsukawa deadpanned as he flopped back onto the couch. Iwaizumi had magically gotten both kids back asleep already. Hanamaki didn’t understand, but he didn’t much care at this point either. He was just glad that Iwaizumi was apparently a baby whisperer.

“Actually,” Iwaizumi said, pointedly looking at Matsukawa. “I’m pretty sure  _ you’re _ the one who called Oikawa. That makes  _ you _ the reason he and I are even here.”

“Right,” she said slowly, scooping Kosuke from Iwaizumi’s lap. Oikawa bristled but didn’t say anything. “Can you carry her to the car?” Iwaizumi shrugged, getting up slowly so as not to wake her again.

It was a long exhausting day, but thankfully everyone survived the ordeal. Now, Hanamaki just hoped he’d never have to have that experience again. Exhausted, the guys just crashed at Hanamaki’s. The second the babies were gone, they were almost instantly asleep. Oikawa passed out on the floor, not even bothering to pry himself off the carpet, Iwaizumi claimed the couch, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa trudged up the stairs to promptly pass out in a heap on Hanamaki’s bed.

**Author's Note:**

> My Haikyuu Big Bang fic! You can find my partners work [ here on Twitter](https://twitter.com/lolmeurp/status/1366196444990828544?s=20)! 
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://imori-hikaru.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Imori_Hikaru_)!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


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